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Saturday, April 26, 2003
I have always thought that long hair, nudity and war protesting kind of made sense all in the same pot. Go you CHICKS of DIXIE.






Feeling PARANOID? These TERRIFYING messages just in :

If you type in your phone number on GOOGLE it comes up with your name and address and then directions via Mapquest.

Now I can look at this news and go 'oh my God that is absolutely AMAZING'...or I can run to the nearest closet to hide after unplugging my phone. It is a new millennium sort of moment to know that you can do this ...but, on the other hand, this may give rise dramatically to those of you who want an UNLISTED number! Read on...

This is true...I just looked up my phone number and it gave exact directions to my home and I had it removed!! This is very dangerous!! Many people are unaware of this danger. I was, in fact!
Go to http://www.google.com. Then type in your phone number (separated by hyphens, including area code) and click on Google Search. If your phone number is listed, it will show your name and address and give you two map options: Yahoo and MapQuest. See how accurate the map is to your home. Any person wishing to discover the physical location of a phone number, be it a home or business address, could use this feature to locate a physical street address and receive directions on how to get there from anywhere in the country. We all know the dangers of this--for adults and our children!


AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!

Google has made available an option that will allow anyone to REMOVE their telephone number from the database that is linked to the mapping feature.You will first need to check if your number is listed in this manner by attempting a search - entering your full telephone number separated by dashes (xxx-xxx-xxxx). If the number appears in the mapping database, an icon resembling a telephone will appear next to the first or second entry on the results page. Clicking on this icon will take you to a page containing a description of the service and a link to request your number be removed from the database.

Eggsellent...!Ya gotta Love GOOGLE. I know I do. Never need any other Search Engine ever again...and I for one have always been a big fan of icons that resemble telephones.Bonus!

Now...here's Even MORE to worry about!!!!!

Your Credit: Personal Information goes public Starting July 1st, 2003. The four major credit bureaus in the US (Equifax, etc.) will be allowed to release credit info, mailing addresses, phone numbers, etc., to ANYONE who requests it.

THOSE BASTARDS!

If you do not want to be included in this release of your personal information, you can call 1-888-567- 8688. Once the message starts you will want option #2) even though option #1 refers to this email. Push #2) and then option #3. Be sure to listen closely, the first option is only for a two-year period. Make sure you wait until they prompt for the third option, which opts you out FOREVER. You should receive their paperwork in the mail confirming the "opting out" in less than one week after making
the call.


Well, that's the story of my life: OPTED OUT...FOREVER and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever...Well to leave this HORRIFYING news on a more positive note, I recall and share with you the words of my old friend CHAZ who always says...Hey, don't worry 'bout it!



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Tuesday, April 22, 2003
In quite an accidental honoring of Spring, we have gone to a two column look here at Freshchaos.com. Hope you enjoy, cuz no matter how hard I try, I just can't revive that other column. Damn the electric fence!


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So if you haven't planted anything today, revel a moment on the fact that, it is Earth Day. Maybe steal some of Saddam's fertilizer or dream a dream of trees flowers and sexually active people craving you amidst the trees and earthy stuff. Ooh earthy.


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Good Lord capnchaos has been hiding out in his rabbithole studio (adjacent to BunnytownUSA) for a week. Been tending to Easter Bunnies and basking in the BIG WAR WIN. The glow of patriotism is soothing to the old man.
Stop Having Fun
Drove by a gorgeous park in Abq. on Easter Sunday afternoon to observe the annual revelry that occurs on April 20th. 4:20 (coptalk code for "DRUGS": note: in Abq., it is 10:57) fell on Easter Sunday this year and of course the potential for freshchaos with all the aging and latent pot smokers in our Enchanted Land seemed ripe. Well sir, thanks to a supreme order (odor?) from our fine Mayor, the entire park was closed and surrounded by police cars all afternoon. So much for those Easter Sunday egg hunts.

Ok this was FUN:
I was indeed able to bask in the WE WON the WAR glory while sitting in Suite (whoohoo) at a home stand game of the Albuquerque Isotopes Friday night. Thanks to the generosity of a here unnamed friend (he doesn't like to even surf to this URL, fearing CIA/FBI entanglements in CHAOS and Disorder ), my wife and I watched the Isotopes beat the squadoo out of the Coloradoh! Sky Sox from behind home plate in an ultra cool suite. Pretty fancy for triple A baseball. many thanks to unnamed friend for his generous gift!!

: Thousands of dashing dachsunds will go zooming down the track at the Albuquerque Downs on May 10th. The dust will fly. GO WIENERS!

Speaking of race tracks, the capn and Deb went to a free practice session at the Duke City Drag Strip Saturday. A dirt oval track South of town provided many thrills and spills plus a view of the Sandia and Manzano Mountains under the roar of the engines. And that's about as close to Daytona as we're likely to get for a while.


Dig those hats...
Go Isotopes!







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Wednesday, April 16, 2003
It's a Hump-a-whale-Day.


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Tuesday, April 15, 2003
true to myself

life has come a long way since yesterday i say
and it's not the same old thing over again i say
just do what you feel and don't fool yourself i say
cause i can't make you happy unless i am i say i say i

got to be true to myself got to be true to myself

day in day out i've asked many questions i say
only to find the truth it never changes i say
if you don't deal with it it keeps killing you
a little by little i say
call me selfish if you will my life i alone can live
i say i say i

got to be true to myself got to be true to myself

i don't care if it hurts i'm tired of lies and all
these games
i've reached a point in life no longer can i be this way
don't come crying to me i too have shed
my share of tears
i'm moving on yes i'm grooving on well
i'm finally free i've

got to be true to myself got to be true to myself
got to be true to myself got to be true to myself

Ziggy Marley 2003




Coming to our high desert next month and out today with a new solo cd today is Ziggy Marley.
It is called... Dragonfly.

Control , Control Control ...
When are you going to realize that NOTHING can be controlled.
We live in CHAOS. It is the center in everyone's life.
Look around you.
Everyone ... is struggling for control.
And you know what it is they are trying to control - each and every one of them - fear.
They are trying to control their fear.


Steve Martin in Grand Canyon







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Monday, April 14, 2003
Well, it looks like the Iraqi oil is now ours and can be used to fuel tanks and planes in our impending action against Syria to hunt down the Iraqi officials harbored there. Here's an interesting quote from a respected inventor:

"You see, we should make use of the forces of nature and should obtain all our power in this way. Sunshine is a form of energy, wind and sea currents are manifestations of this energy. Do we make use of them? Oh, no! We burn forests and coal like tenants burning down our front door for heating. We live like wild settlers ..."
- Thomas Alva Edison, ca. 1916


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Sunday, April 13, 2003
It's just so Albuquerque...the Isotopes are off to a historic LOSING STREAK and we don't care. The new ballpark is totally great and the crime rate will drop now that baseball is back in our enchanted high desert land. GO 'TOPES!!


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Friday, April 11, 2003
We will, we will, RADIATE you!
Tonight's long-awaited first home game of our new Isotopes in their brand new, "renovated" stadium was a beautiful thing with fireworks, a low and loud fastball-style flyover of jets, over 12,000 fans, a new mascot named Orbit, who looks like what you would get if Big Bird and Elmo mated, and making a very special appearance...Bart & Homer Simpson! Yes, the team name came from a Simpsons episode which featured the then fictional Albuquerque Isotopes.



ABQ. Isotopes


Here now, the top ten rejected slogans for the Albuquerque Isotopes:

10.  We will radiate you!

9.   Feel the glow!

8.   Unstable and proud of it!

7.   We will electrostatically repulse you!

6.   Particle emissions are the least of your worries!

5.   We will contaminate our surroundings!

4.   We may have radicals!

3.   Watch out for spontaneous fission!

2.   Get ready for a meltdown!

1.   We will slowly decay!

© 2003
Debra Landau




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Thursday, April 10, 2003
Today's Zen Judaism quote:

"Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story."




Watching the war and other television "entertainment," I have come to realize that having a free press is not the same as press for free. The truth in the moniker corporate media is now glaringly clear. News as brought to you by Subway, Microsoft, and the Navy Recruiting Office. (I kid you not.) Now that we are at war, "controversial" news items such as anti-war demonstrations are covered in ways so as not to upset the advertisers. Democracy? Maybe. Capitalism? Oh yeah!

And what's with the ultra-patriotic, red-white-and-blueish 30-second spots every 10 minutes declaring our all-encompassing support for the troops on behalf of your local television station? Keep watching the war right here, because we love our troops even more than all the others!

And now that "victory" seems at hand (or foot, maybe) we're on the verge of even more patriotic fervor, fueled by a Machiavellian "everything came out all right in the end, so what's your problem anyway?" How long before the next Pentagon Papers scandal? If you're thinking, "F**k it, we won!" you are not alone. At least we'll be able to see compassionate conservatism in action over there ... somewhere ... some time ...


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Tuesday, April 08, 2003
A Chris Rock freshchaos Quote...

"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in
America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'. Need I say more?"





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Monday, April 07, 2003
Yes, impossible as it may seem, I, The Deb, turned 40 last Friday - the fourth day of the fourth month - how very square! I am happy to report that body parts did not suddenly desert me as predicted and I seem to be "fully functional." Among the many groovy gifts bestowed upon my officially middle-aged self was the book Zen Judaism by David M. Bader. The Deb (Jew) and the Capn (not a Jew) have been enjoying random readings and highly recommend this gem for Semites and Goyim alike. Here's a taste:

"Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated?"

"To practice Zen and the art of Jewish motorcycle maintenance, do the following: Get rid of the motorcycle. What were you thinking?"




... and speaking of Infidels ...

Fox News ("Your Source for Evil," according to the Simpsons) and other ... uh ... news sources are reporting that we are now officially "kicking ass" in Iraq. W is happy. And according to Saturday Night Live (ah, quality television), Rumsfeld has a new double-wide podium to hide the boner he gets from talking about our derriere booting. But I just have to wonder why so many people are impressed by ass-kicking? Of all the body parts available, that is one of the least vulnerable. For crippling pain and disability there are a host of other choices for leg-based attacks, as represented in startling detail by the Sopranos and other mafia depictions. Face, kidneys, knees, genitals (an oldie, but a goodie), and - for internal organ damage and all its fringe benefits - abdomen. When do we start kicking some major liver, huh?


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Saturday, April 05, 2003
The war has left me bedraggled of late. This poem is from our very own FRESH CHAOS MESSAGE BOARD. I thank the author and re-print it here cuz many of our readers just don't q u i t e get to the message board. capn

Shock and Awe


Leaders are more grandiloquent
the less they have to say
They realize that only understanding
will engender peace

Maintaining their intractable demeanor
Knowledge is their only formidable opponent

They spread their grandiose deceptions
Like a golden chain across a stage

Still the protestors march with intestinal fortitude
As the land takes on a surrealistic, nightmarish feel
Liquid fires rage in overheated minds

Battle lines are being drawn
in imaginary sands
Truth is being strangled
Blood trickels like sap
From a weeping willow tree

Most just watch
like it's a cool action film
playing on their TV's

You know you're in a world gone mad
when 'shock and awe' is an actual name
of a military campaign

Please visit: Kilgore's Open Poetry Board




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Thursday, April 03, 2003
Recent Quotes from Talk show hosts:
"War continues in Iraq. They're calling it Operation Iraqi Freedom. They were going to call it Operation Iraqi Liberation until they realized that spells 'OIL.'"-- Jay Leno

"Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain."-- Jon Stewart

"CNN said that after the war, there is a plan to divide Iraq into three parts ... regular, premium and unleaded."-- Jay Leno

"President Bush announced tonight that he believes in democracy and that democracy can exist in Iraq. They can have a strong economy, they can have a good health care plan, and they can have a free and fair voting. Iraq? We can't even get this in Florida."-- Jay Leno

"President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to wage war, and I'm thinking, well, hell, he didn't need the approval of the American voters to become president, either."-- David Letterman

"Officials from France, Russia and Germany accused President Bush of having a fondness for war. A spokesman for Bush said, 'It's a one syllable word, of course he's fond of it."-- Conan O'Brien


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Tuesday, April 01, 2003
April Fools'
``Thieves start out as liars,'' goes an old Japanese maxim that is often quoted to remind children not to lie. On the other hand, some people welcome youngsters' lies as a manifestation of their imaginative power..."
To read this amazing article click this Fool


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So much Chaos,
So little time.

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